Saturday, 13 February 2016

I used to be different, you know...

Image by HHP
I have spent a lot of time on the web lately, developing girl crushes on the likes of Amanda and Amelia, Beth and Lolly. And what's the one thing these lovely ladies have in common? Absolutely screamin' 50s style that's what, and I can't get enough. I love looking at their amazing outfits, they're so bright and colourful and fun and I think to myself... that's me. Except, well, it's not. Not anymore.

There was a time when I wished there was a shop like Lindy Bop that sold plus-size, affordable repro vintage clothes. And now there is, what am I doing about it? Nothing! My old self would kick my now self so hard.

So I asked myself the question - why? Why aren't you the stylish, retro goddess you always wanted to be? And the answer is, I just don't have the confidence. I've lost it. I've even got five Lindy Bop dresses in my wardrobe that never get worn... I traipse about in jeans and jumpers instead.

And am I happy? No, not at all. I miss myself, the person who would leap at the chance to stick on a pretty dress and strut about the place. Just months ago I made sure I always wore nail polish, for Pete's sake! Now I'm like a muted version of myself, beige and boring.

I think I know the reason, though which I suppose is something. I've been telling myself I'm not good enough, that my body is the wrong shape and I need to lose weight *shudders* I've been very, very unkind.

What has happened to the woman who didn't give a shit about being a fat bride? Where am I?

Well, I'm not sure. And I don't really know how I'm going to get back, but what I do know is whilst I'm trying, I might as well look good - so I've allowed myself to take inspiration from my new-found style icons and bought myself not one but TWO new skirts and tomorrow I am colouring my hair.

It's a start, right?!

Amy x

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